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[转贴] 為什麼中國人的媽媽比較優秀? - 中英對照

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发表于 2011-4-15 09:19:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

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Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior? - in English and Chinese 為什麼中國人的媽媽比較優秀? - 中英對照, 翻譯自華爾街日報
http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/jw!UzIevCWRFBIRMAB2cW7zYg--/article?mid=123
.分類:教育子女2011/01/22 02:16
.
By AMY CHUA
Wall Street Journal,
JANUARY 8, 2011
Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior?  
Amy Chua is a professor at Yale Law School and author of "Day of Empire" and "World on Fire: How Exporting Free Market Democracy Breeds Ethnic Hatred and Global Instability." This essay is excerpted from "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" by Amy Chua, to be published Tuesday by the Penguin Press, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Copyright © 2011 by Amy Chua.
Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. For Westerners, Kids don't owe their parents anything. Western parents worry a lot about their children's self-esteem.
But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't.
為什麼中國人的媽媽比較優秀?
中文翻譯: 園丁 英語詮釋: 園丁
蔡美兒是耶魯大學的法學院教授和知名作家。作品包括“帝國日”和“燃燒中的世界:如何從推廣民主和自由化市場演變成種族仇恨和全球不穩定。” 本文取材自蔡美兒的 "母老虎戰爭之歌"。它即將在週二由企鵝出版社出版。 企鵝出版社是(美國)企鵝集團有限公司成員。版權所有 © 2011年蔡美兒。
東方人養小孩,小孩欠你一輩子。 西方人養小孩,你欠小孩一輩子。西方人最怕傷了小孩的自尊心。做父母的最糟的一件事就是讓小孩失去了他們的自尊。反之,幫助子女從"做到他們以為做不到的事" 的學習過程中建立自信是父母送給子女的最好的禮物 !
______________________________________________________________________________

A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:

• attend a sleepover
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• complain about not being in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin
• not play the piano or violin.

很多人很好奇這樣的呆板式教育下的中國父母是怎麼栽培出成功的孩子。 他們很好奇這些父母是怎麼造就這麼多的天才數學家和音樂神童。中國家庭是內部究竟是什麼樣子,以及他們是否也能做到這一點。嗯,我可以告訴他們,因為我已經做到了。這裡有一些關於我的女兒蘇菲亞和露易莎的消息,他們不許做這些事:

•參加過夜派對
•有自由活動的朋友
•加入學校戲劇表演
•抱怨說不能加入學校戲劇表演
•看電視或玩電腦遊戲
•選擇適合自己的課外活動
•得到任何低於A 的成積
•除了體育和戲劇的每門課沒有名列前茅
•練習任何鋼琴或小提琴以外的樂器
•不彈鋼琴或小提琴。

I'm using the term "Chinese mother" loosely. I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers, by choice or otherwise. I'm also using the term "Western parents" loosely. Western parents come in all varieties.

All the same, even when Western parents think they're being strict, they usually don't come close to being Chinese mothers. For example, my Western friends who consider themselves strict make their children practice their instruments 30 minutes every day. An hour at most. For a Chinese mother, the first hour is the easy part. It's hours two and three that get tough.

Despite our squeamishness about cultural stereotypes, there are tons of studies out there showing marked and quantifiable differences between Chinese and Westerners when it comes to parenting. In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that "stressing academic success is not good for children" or that "parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun." By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way. Instead, the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be "the best" students, that "academic achievement reflects successful parenting," and that if children did not excel at school then there was "a problem" and parents "were not doing their job." Other studies indicate that compared to Western parents, Chinese parents spend approximately 10 times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children. By contrast, Western kids are more likely to participate in sports teams.

What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.

Chinese parents can get away with things that Western parents can't. Once when I was young—maybe more than once—when I was extremely disrespectful to my mother, my father angrily called me "garbage" in our native Hokkien dialect. It worked really well. I felt terrible and deeply ashamed of what I had done. But it didn't damage my self-esteem or anything like that. I knew exactly how highly he thought of me. I didn't actually think I was worthless or feel like a piece of garbage.

我使用廣義的“中國母親”一詞。 我認識一些韓國,印度,牙買加,愛爾蘭和加納的父母, 他們都包括在內。相反,我認識一些中國母親,幾乎都是出生在西式家庭,卻不能算是是中國母親,不管是先天或後天的因素。同樣的我也還使用廣義的“西方家長”一詞。 泛指一般西方父母。

儘管如此,即使西方家長覺得他們嚴格,他們通常不及中國母親。 例如,我的西方朋友認為讓孩子每天花30分鐘, 最多一個小時練習樂器, 對自己來說了已經很嚴格了。 對於一個中國母親,第一個小時算是比較容易的。難的是第二到第三個小時。

儘管我們對於中西文化典型非常敏感,有充分的研究報告指出中西父母間有顯著而可以衡量的差異。"在一項研究中50個美國西部家庭和48個華裔移民母親,幾乎 70%的母親說,"強調學術上的成就對孩子們來說,是不利的” 或 “父母需要培養的理念,是學習的樂趣”。 "相反,所有的中國母親都不這麼想。絕大多數的中國母親說,他們相信他們的子女能夠成為“最好的” 學生,“學術成就反映成功的父母”,並說,如果孩子們在學校表現不佳就是反映一個 “問題”,父母親“沒有盡到他們的責任”。別的研究報告指出中國父母出每天花在孩子身上練習功課的時間是洋人的十倍。 相比之下,西方人的孩子更容易參加運動團隊。

華人父母明白的是熟能生巧。除非是你的專長,沒有什麼是真正有趣的。要成為你的專長必需靠努力。孩子們天生好逸惡勞,這就是為什麼激發或轉移他們的興趣是關鍵所在。 因為孩子會抗拒, 家長通常需要有很大的決心和毅力。剛開始總是最困難的,這就是西方人的父母為什麼會放棄的原因。但是,如果處理得當,中國母親的策略會產生了一種良性循環。耐心的練習,練習,再練習是成功的不二法門。在美國,重複不斷的練習的價值被低估了。 一旦孩子開始駕輕就熟,無論是數學,鋼琴,投球或芭蕾,他或她都會得到誇獎,讚賞和有成就感。 這種信心的建立,會使一度沒有興趣的活動變得有趣。接下來又使家長更容易督促自己的孩子加倍努力。

西方人的父母往往不能避免東方人父母可以避免的尷尬。 有一次,也許不只一次,當時我還年輕,我是非常不尊重我的母親。我的父親生氣地用閩南本土語方言罵我 像“垃圾”一樣 - 不值一文。它居然有效。瞬然間我感到羞赦和對我所作所為非常慚愧。但是,這並不損害我的自尊或什麼的。我確實知道他對我期盼有多高。我絲毫不認為自己是不值一文或像垃圾。


As an adult, I once did the same thing to Sophia, calling her garbage in English when she acted extremely disrespectfully toward me. When I mentioned that I had done this at a dinner party, I was immediately ostracized. One guest named Marcy got so upset she broke down in tears and had to leave early. My friend Susan, the host, tried to rehabilitate me with the remaining guests.

The fact is that Chinese parents can do things that would seem unimaginable—even legally actionable—to Westerners. Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, "Hey fatty—lose some weight." By contrast, Western parents have to tiptoe around the issue, talking in terms of "health" and never ever mentioning the f-word, and their kids still end up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self-image. (I also once heard a Western father toast his adult daughter by calling her "beautiful and incredibly competent." She later told me that made her feel like garbage.)

Chinese parents can order their kids to get straight As. Western parents can only ask their kids to try their best. Chinese parents can say, "You're lazy. All your classmates are getting ahead of you." By contrast, Western parents have to struggle with their own conflicted feelings about achievement, and try to persuade themselves that they're not disappointed about how their kids turned out.

I've thought long and hard about how Chinese parents can get away with what they do. I think there are three big differences between the Chinese and Western parental mind-sets.

當我長大成人,沒有想到我小時母女爭執的故事竟然在女兒蘇菲亞身上歷史重演。她對我說話態度極為不敬。我用英語稱她為像垃圾一樣 - 不值一文。當我在一次宴會上提到我這件事,我立刻遭大眾排斥。有一個客人叫馬西甚至難過到泣不成聲,不得不提早離開。 宴會是由朋友蘇珊做東,她立即出來打圓場,試圖和緩我與其餘客人的緊張關係。  

事實上,東方人的父母可以做的事情,對西方人來說似乎不可思議。他們甚至在法律上採取行動。 "華人的母親可以說他們的女兒,“嘿,寶貝女兒,該減肥了”。相比之下,西方家長要小心翼翼的面對這個問題,只能提到“健康”為止,從不敢用"胖"字,而他們的孩子仍在治療飲食失調和調整負面的自我形象中尋找專家的協助。(我也曾經聽到一個西方人父親在慶祝酒會上稱讚他的成年女兒 “美麗又能幹”。後來她告訴我,讓她覺得像垃圾一樣 - 不值一文。)


華人父母可要以求他們的孩子全部拿A。 西方人父母只能要他們的孩子盡力而已。 "東方人父母可以說:“你太懶惰。你所有的同學,比起你來是遙遙領先。” 相比之下,西方人的父母對於子女成就的感受不得不與自己的矛盾掙扎,他們即使失望也要試圖說服自己,他們沒有對他們的孩子的成就感到失望。

我仔細的思考了很久,華人父母為什麼可以避免盡職的尷尬。我認為中西方父母心態有三大差異。

First, I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital. In other words, Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.

For example, if a child comes home with an A-minus on a test, a Western parent will most likely praise the child. The Chinese mother will gasp in horror and ask what went wrong. If the child comes home with a B on the test, some Western parents will still praise the child. Other Western parents will sit their child down and express disapproval, but they will be careful not to make their child feel inadequate or insecure, and they will not call their child "stupid," "worthless" or "a disgrace." Privately, the Western parents may worry that their child does not test well or have aptitude in the subject or that there is something wrong with the curriculum and possibly the whole school. If the child's grades do not improve, they may eventually schedule a meeting with the school principal to challenge the way the subject is being taught or to call into question the teacher's credentials.

If a Chinese child gets a B—which would never happen—there would first be a screaming, hair-tearing explosion. The devastated Chinese mother would then get dozens, maybe hundreds of practice tests and work through them with her child for as long as it takes to get the grade up to an A.

Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because the child didn't work hard enough. That's why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child. The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it. (And when Chinese kids do excel, there is plenty of ego-inflating parental praise lavished in the privacy of the home.)

首先,我注意到,西方人家長對子女的自尊心十分關心。 他們擔心自己的孩子失敗後會受打擊。即使考試或演奏成績平平,他們會不斷的稱讚他們有多麼好。 換言之,西方人的父母關心孩子的心理。中國的父母卻不是這樣。他們假定孩子是堅強的而不是脆弱的。因此他們的舉止大不相同。

例如,如果一個孩子帶回家一個 A - 的成績,西方人家長將孩子最有可能稱讚他。 中國媽媽會嚇得直喘氣,問說到底是怎麼回事。 如果孩子帶回家的成績是B+,一些西方父母仍然會稱讚孩子。 其他西方人的父母會叫他們的孩子坐下來,表示父母的不滿意。但他們要小心,不要讓孩子們感到沒有面子或安全感,他們不會說他們的孩子“笨”,“沒有用”或“奇恥大辱”。私底下,西方人的父母可能會擔心他們的孩子沒有考好或許是興向不在這門課,或者課程有問題,甚至整個學校都有問題。如果孩子的成績沒有改善,他們最終可能會安排和校長一談。他們質疑教學方式或師資會不會有問題,而不會想到會不會是家長本身有問題。

如果中國的孩子獲得了B -,這是不可能的 ! 首先你會聽到一聲尖叫,接著有人亂抓頭髮。深受打擊的中國母親便會找到幾十個,甚至幾百個模擬練習。她和她的孩子一起練習,一直到拿 A 為止。

中國家長的需求完美的成績,因為他們相信,他們的孩子可以做得到。如果他們的孩子沒有做到,中國父母假設它是因為孩子不夠努力。 這就是為什麼解決表現不佳的手段總是苛責,懲罰和羞辱孩子。 中國父母認為,他們的孩子堅強到足以克服羞辱和改善成績。 (當中國孩子表現優異時,在中國人家裡你會聽到讚美聲絡繹不絕,充分滿足了他們的優越感。)



Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud.

By contrast, I don't think most Westerners have the same view of children being permanently indebted to their parents. My husband, Jed, actually has the opposite view. "Children don't choose their parents," he once said to me. "They don't even choose to be born. It's parents who foist life on their kids, so it's the parents' responsibility to provide for them. Kids don't owe their parents anything. Their duty will be to their own kids." This strikes me as a terrible deal for the Western parent.

Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences. That's why Chinese daughters can't have boyfriends in high school and why Chinese kids can't go to sleepaway camp. It's also why no Chinese kid would ever dare say to their mother, "I got a part in the school play! I'm Villager Number Six. I'll have to stay after school for rehearsal every day from 3:00 to 7:00, and I'll also need a ride on weekends." God help any Chinese kid who tried that one.

Don't get me wrong: It's not that Chinese parents don't care about their children. Just the opposite. They would give up anything for their children. It's just an entirely different parenting model.
Here's a story in favor of coercion, Chinese-style. Lulu was about 7, still playing two instruments, and working on a piano piece called "The Little White Donkey" by the French composer Jacques Ibert. The piece is really cute—you can just imagine a little donkey ambling along a country road with its master—but it's also incredibly difficult for young players because the two hands have to keep schizophrenically different rhythms.

Lulu couldn't do it. We worked on it nonstop for a week, drilling each of her hands separately, over and over. But whenever we tried putting the hands together, one always morphed into the other, and everything fell apart. Finally, the day before her lesson, Lulu announced in exasperation that she was giving up and stomped off.

"Get back to the piano now," I ordered.
"You can't make me."
"Oh yes, I can."

Back at the piano, Lulu made me pay. She punched, thrashed and kicked. She grabbed the music score and tore it to shreds. I taped the score back together and encased it in a plastic shield so that it could never be destroyed again. Then I hauled Lulu's dollhouse to the car and told her I'd donate it to the Salvation army piece by piece if she didn't have "The Little White Donkey" perfect by the next day. When Lulu said, "I thought you were going to the Salvation Army, why are you still here?" I threatened her with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn't do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic.

Jed took me aside. He told me to stop insulting Lulu—which I wasn't even doing, I was just motivating her—and that he didn't think threatening Lulu was helpful. Also, he said, maybe Lulu really just couldn't do the technique—perhaps she didn't have the coordination yet—had I considered that possibility?

"You just don't believe in her," I accused.
"That's ridiculous," Jed said scornfully. "Of course I do."
"Sophia could play the piece when she was this age."
"But Lulu and Sophia are different people," Jed pointed out.
"Oh no, not this," I said, rolling my eyes. "Everyone is special in their special own way," I mimicked sarcastically. "Even losers are special in their own special way. Well don't worry, you don't have to lift a finger. I'm willing to put in as long as it takes, and I'm happy to be the one hated. And you can be the one they adore because you make them pancakes and take them to Yankees games."

I rolled up my sleeves and went back to Lulu. I used every weapon and tactic I could think of. We worked right through dinner into the night, and I wouldn't let Lulu get up, not for water, not even to go to the bathroom. The house became a war zone, and I lost my voice yelling, but still there seemed to be only negative progress, and even I began to have doubts.

Then, out of the blue, Lulu did it. Her hands suddenly came together—her right and left hands each doing their own imperturbable thing—just like that.

Lulu realized it the same time I did. I held my breath. She tried it tentatively again. Then she played it more confidently and faster, and still the rhythm held. A moment later, she was beaming.

"Mommy, look—it's easy!" After that, she wanted to play the piece over and over and wouldn't leave the piano. That night, she came to sleep in my bed, and we snuggled and hugged, cracking each other up. When she performed "The Little White Donkey" at a recital a few weeks later, parents came up to me and said, "What a perfect piece for Lulu—it's so spunky and so her."
Even Jed gave me credit for that one. Western parents worry a lot about their children's self-esteem. But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't.
There are all these new books out there portraying Asian mothers as scheming, callous, overdriven people indifferent to their kids' true interests. For their part, many Chinese secretly believe that they care more about their children and are willing to sacrifice much more for them than Westerners, who seem perfectly content to let their children turn out badly. I think it's a misunderstanding on both sides. All decent parents want to do what's best for their children. The Chinese just have a totally different idea of how to do that.

Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.

其次,中國家長認為,孩子的一切都是父母給的。孩子的一切欠父母。究其原因,有點不清楚,但它可能是一個綜合了儒家孝順和父母為孩子付出一切而犧牲自己的事實。 (而且這是真的,中國的母親仿彿到了戰壕,跟打仗一樣,必須長時間親自個別輔導,培訓,盤問和刺探他們的孩子。)無論如何,中國孩子必須有一輩子服從父母,並使他們感到驕傲的共識。

相比之下,我不認為大多數西方人有相同的孩子要永久感謝他們的父母看法。我的丈夫,傑德,看法剛好相反。" 孩子沒有選擇父母",他曾經對我說。 “他們甚至沒有選擇要生下來"。父母賦與孩子的生命,所以有責任為他們提供生活。孩子不欠他們的的父母任何東西。他們的職責將是他們自己的孩子。有道是東方人養小孩,小孩欠你一輩子。 西方人養小孩,你欠小孩一輩子。用會計術語來說: 小孩是東方人的資產,卻成了西方人的負債 ! 西方人的父母,這是一個很划不來的交易。

第三,中國的父母認為,他們知道什麼是最適合自己的孩子,因此,埋沒了所有的兒童自身的慾望和喜好。 這就是為什麼中國女兒在高中不能有男朋友,為什麼中國的孩子不能去營地過夜。 這也是為什麼沒有中國的孩子敢對他們的母親說,“我參加了學校的戲劇演出!我是第六位村民。我不得不每天從 3 點至7 點留在學校排練,我還需要在週末搭個便車。“ 請上帝幫忙任何一個想試試看中國的孩子吧 !

不要誤解我:這並不是說中國的家長不關心自己的孩子。正好相反。他們為了子女會放棄一切。這只是一個完全不同的父母模式。

下面是一個贊成中國式強制法的故事。露露在7歲左右,仍在練習兩種樂器和嘗試一首由法國作曲家貝雷克寫的鋼琴曲叫“小白驢”。 這件作品真的很可愛,你可以想像一隻小毛驢安布林與它的主人沿著鄉間小路慢慢走,但是它也為年輕的鋼琴手造成困擾,因為你的兩隻手必須跟隨兩種截然不同的旋律。

露露不能做到這一點。她一遍又一遍的單手獨奏,我們曾不停的嘗試了一個星期。 但每當我們試圖用雙手齊奏,總有一支音會走音,一首歌就此打住。最後,她上課的前一天,露露憤怒地宣布,她放棄了並跺著腳。
“你回去給我練鋼琴!”, 我命令道。
“你不能指揮我。”
“哦,我當然可以指揮你。”
回到鋼琴,露露要給我點顏色看。她拳打腳踢再加上翻滾的動作(譯者按:好小子,有一套!)。 她把樂譜撕成碎片。我把碎片重新黏好成原來的樂譜,並用一個塑膠防護板把它包起來,它不可能被摧毀了。然後我把露露的娃娃屋拖到我的車裡,並告訴她,如果她再過一天不能把 “小白驢” 彈到無懈可擊,我會把它們一塊一塊地捐給救世軍。 當露露說,“我還以為你要去救世軍,為什麼還在這裡?” 我威脅她,沒有午飯,沒有晚餐,沒有聖誕節或猶太新年禮物,未來二,三,四年沒有生日慶祝會。 當她還在不停彈錯時,我告訴她,她是故意彈錯,因為她害怕自己彈不來。我告訴她不要懶惰,懦弱,自我放縱和替自己可憐。

傑德把我拉到一邊。 他告訴我不要嘲笑露露。而我其實沒有這樣做,我只是在鼓勵她。他並說,他不認為嘲笑露露是有用的。此外,他說,也許真的露露只是不能做到,也許她雙手是無法配合,有沒有這種可能性?

“你不相信她,”我指控他說。
“這是可笑的,”傑德輕蔑地說。 “當然,我相信她。”
“蘇菲亞在她這個年齡早就可以彈了。”
“但露露和蘇菲亞是不同的人,”傑德指出。
“哦,不,這不是個理由,”我說,我的眼珠在滾動。 “每個人有自己的一套,都說自己比較特殊。” 我模仿他的口吻來諷刺他。 “ 即使輸家也說自己比較特殊。好了,不要擔心,你不必動一根手指。只要有需要,我不惜付出任何代價。我很高興能成為一個令人討厭的黑臉。你可以是一個他們崇拜的白臉,因為你讓他們吃煎餅,帶他們看洋基隊比賽。“

我捲起衣袖,又回到露露身邊。 我嘗試每一種我能想到的工具和戰術。我們練習的時間,從吃飯延長到深夜,我不會讓露露站起來,不管是喝口水或上個廁所什麼的。 這所房子變成了我們的戰場。我吼得聲音都啞了,然而情況似乎變得更糟。我的信心開始動搖。

說也奇怪,像奇跡似的,露露做到了。她的雙手開始合作無間,她左右手各做各的事,不再互相干擾,就這麼簡單!

就在這同一時間,露露也注意到了。我屏住呼吸。 她再嘗試了一次。然後,她更自信,更快捷,沒有再走音 ! 過了一會兒,她是喜氣洋洋。

“媽媽,你看,很容易!”之後,她一遍又一遍的彈,不肯離開鋼琴。那天晚上,她到我床上睡,我們依偎和擁抱,互相誇獎對方。幾個星期後 當她演奏 “小白驢”,家長向我走來說:“露露的演奏多麼完美 ! 演奏非常生動,充分的展現了她的才華。” 後來傑德也說那是我的功勞。西方人最怕傷了小孩的自尊心。做父母的最糟的一件事就是讓小孩失去了他們的自尊。反之,幫助子女從"做到他們以為做不到的事" 的學習過程中建立自信是父母送給子女的最好的禮物 !

有一些新書描繪亞裔母親非常跋扈,有計劃又無情 ! 他們不關心孩子的真正利益。骨子裡,許多華人認為他們比西方人更關心自己的孩子,也比西方人更願意為孩子犧牲。西方人認為該順其自然。即使小孩再糟,他們安於接受事實。我認為雙方都有誤會。 所有好的父母都是為子女的最佳利益著想。華人只是執行上有一個完全不同的想法。

西方家長盡量尊重孩子的個人的獨立性,鼓勵他們追求自己真正的興趣,支持他們的選擇,並給他們正面的肯定和適當的教育環境。相比之下,華人認為,保護自己的孩子的最好的方式來是幫他們對未來做準備,發掘他們的潛能,培植他們沒有人可以帶走的技能,工作習慣和內在的自信。

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Related Pages: ETSnoopy老師
女兒的某一門課要討論"Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother"這本書,所以我也跟著一起閱讀。
自認自己對於孩子的教育方式並不屬於"Tiger Mother",除了涉及孩子安全的事情會堅持外,其他的部分沒有給孩子太多的"不可以"之禁令。尊重孩子自己的想法和做法,這樣的結果其實是苦了媽媽,因為有時候明知道事情並不可為,卻要表現民主,予以尊重,自己卻暗地裡不斷擔心。現在孩子較大了,和孩子以"同學"的關係相處,意見和看法反而容易被採納......媽媽經是說不完的話題,就此打住。

閱讀這本書之後,筆者也參閱了以下資料,分享於此:
LIVE CNN 於 youtube影片
Strict Chinese mom's key to kids' success
連結網址http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j51Pk42s2HI&feature=related
CBS NEWS 於youtube影片
"Tiger Mother" Parenting Debate
連結網址http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx8iXyKe4-Q&feature=related
The Myth Behind China's Tiger Mothers
連結網址http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9hTvzbo8AE&NR=1
PBS於youtube影片
NEED TO KNOW | 'Tiger Mom' Amy Chua responds to uproar  
連結網址http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yymzG7460fA&feature=related
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother--虎媽無犬女? - 黃玟君老師英語學習網誌 - udn部落格
連結網址http://blog.udn.com/profhuang/4801445
Wall Street Journal 網站的討論
連結網址http://asia.wsj.com/search/term.html?KEYWORDS=Tiger%20Mother&mod=DNH_S
為什麼中國人的媽媽比較優秀? - 中英對照, 翻譯自華爾街日報 - 我的一塊園地 - Yahoo!奇摩部落格
連結網址http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/jw!UzIevCWRFBIRMAB2cW7zYg--/article?mid=123

詳見ETSnoopy老師:閱讀Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother @ 小小心大眼睛 :: 隨意窩 Xuite日誌


When it comes to parenting, the Chinese seem to produce children who display academic excellence, musical mastery and professional success - or so the stereotype goes. WSJ's Christina Tsuei speaks to two moms raised by Chinese immigrants who share what it was like growing up and how they hope to raise their children.

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Journal Communitydiscuss..
" I am in disbelief after reading this article. "
.—James Post.

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发表于 2011-4-15 11:23:01 | 显示全部楼层
别扯淡!中国有多少人?中国有多少贪官?请统计完毕再谈教育!
你要按照西方的教育,那就别在中国生活!这里满大街爬满了人,当你连饭都没得吃的时候,你去谈什么素质教育,搞什么音乐,搞什么party,可能吗?现实吗?少数开明西化的家长可以这么教育孩子,那是因为他们已经为孩子铺好了未来的道路!看不到出路的中国家长只能逼迫孩子去高考,去挤这个独木桥!中国社会的两级分化,慢慢地从金钱开始到了教育的需求!在选择什么类型的孩子教育问题上,请家长们看看自己的社会地位和每月收入,不要盲从,不要迷信!
发表于 2011-5-10 20:21:42 | 显示全部楼层
mother is the great!
发表于 2011-5-26 11:05:33 | 显示全部楼层
HUMA A
发表于 2011-5-26 19:32:26 | 显示全部楼层
good  ....
发表于 2011-5-27 17:02:55 | 显示全部楼层
good topic
发表于 2012-9-18 11:39:48 | 显示全部楼层
这是谁写的,有时候不一定时这个理吧
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